"Tom Segura, Colum Tyrell, and I, Ari Shaffir, tell stories that should have got us arrested. These are bad people. If I wasn\u2019t actually on this show, and Tom wasn\u2019t producing I wouldn\u2019t have booked either of them. Some people deserve to be cancelled. Decide for yourselves."

"Nate Bargatze, Steve Simeone, and Jim Breuer tell stories they have trouble believing themselves. If these guys weren\u2019t actually the best humans in comedy I would have called them liars to their faces and told them to leave my set. But they\u2019re well known as good people who don\u2019t lie so I guess I\u2019m the bad guy in all this? Get off my back."

"Roy Wood Jr., Jordan Jensen, and Joe List show you how things can sometimes all work out. This chapter gives you hope. It gives you promise of a better world. Now, getting to that point was pretty horrific for all of them, but let\u2019s not harp on that part. It all ends well. Oh, shit! That\u2019s the name of the show! And stay tuned till the end for a bonus story from Roy and Ari about a this thing that was happening to both of them."

"Chris Distefano and Jessa Reed join all time legendary storyteller Ms. Pat for some wild stories about some terrible remedies. Get your voodoo dolls out, light some incense, and put blood on the doorstep for this chapter. The doctors are in."

"Mark Normand, Duncan Trussell and Ari Shaffir owe it all to some special people. We\u2019re using \u201cheroes\u201d pretty loosely here in case you couldn\u2019t have guessed. So these ain\u2019t stories that are gonna make you cry. They\u2019re more like stories that will make you happy you\u2019ve lived your life right while we lived ours wrong. I legitimately don\u2019t know how any of us aren\u2019t homeless. Anyway, this chapter will make you feel good about yourselves by comparison."

"Shane Gillis, Dan Soder, Robert Kelly, Sarah Tollemache and Sam Tallent come on for the most packed episode of the season. And that\u2019s not a fat joke about Bobby Kelly because he had the lipo surgery years ago so that joke is hack now. No, it\u2019s because there\u2019s 5 comics on the show, idiots. Luckily for us, all of these guys turned their lives around and became cooler people. I\u2019m still working on that for myself so I\u2019ll use this chapter as a guide for self improvement."

"Tony Hinchcliffe, Steph Tolev and all time legendary storytellers Big Jay Oakerson and Ali Siddiq close out the show for some nice stories about getting it on. I personally think NONE of these people should breed. So I\u2019m hoping they all struck out. But let\u2019s see what happens in the most hoity toity of all the chapters in The End. We didn\u2019t blow our load until the end. Get it? Get it or no? Blow our load? Till The End? Get it? I think you get it. Anyway, jizz."